30 Funny Parent Messages & Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Out

Are you in need of some funny parent messages to inspire you or your kids? Or maybe you want to share some wisdom from your parents or lighten up a load of this tough job with some funny parent messages. Whatever the case, these funny parent messages are sure to put a smile on your face!

Here are some significantly inspiring, witty & funny parent messages that all parents will relate to.

Funny Parenting Messages

We compiled the best funny parent messages that are totally relatable and will have her cracking up.

1. My kids are turning out just like me. Well played karma, well played.

2. The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children – Clarence Day

3. Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. – Ralph Bus

4. Those moments you hope your kid’s sass will help them lead a company and not a gang in prison.

5. Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble. Martin Mull

6. Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare. End Asner

7. Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away.

8. I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.  Percy French

9. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

10. People say “Go big or go home” as if going home were a bad thing. Hell yeah I want to go home. And I’m going to take a nap when I get there.

Funny Parenting Quotes

Whether your mom needs a hearty laugh, or you just want to put a smile on her face, a dose of hilarity just might be what the doctor ordered

1. 90% of parenting is thinking about when you can lie down again.

2. Parenting was much easier when I was raising my non-existent kid hypothetically.

3. Parenthood – the scariest hood you’ll ever go through.

4. Ever had a job where you had no experience, no training, you weren’t allowed to quit and people’s lives were at stake. That’s parenting.

5. Don’t yell at your kids. Lean in real close and whisper; it’s much scarier.

6. The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them. Anonymous.

7. One day I’ll be thankful that my kid is strong-willed but that will not be today, not in this grocery store.

8. When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is, “Please forget.’

9. Having one child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee. David Frost.

10. My kids will walk right past their father sitting on the couch and come bang on the shower door for me to open a fruit snack.

11. “So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story.

12. Having a two-year-old is like owning a blender that you don’t have the top for – Jerry Seinfeld

13. Before becoming a parent I didn’t know I could ruin someone’s life by asking them to put pants on…

14. People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. – Leo Burk.

15. Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years, you will have a sticky purse – Nia Vardalos

16. A perfect metaphor for parenting is trying to stand up in a hammock without spilling your wine.

17. The truth about parenting is, if you are going crazy, you are probably doing it right.

18. You can learn many things from your children. How much patience do you have, for instance. Franklin P. Jones.

19. Great parenting lies somewhere between “don’t do that” and “ah, what the hell.”

20. Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.

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Funny Parenting Quotes

Whether you use these funny parent messages in a toast, write them on a card, or post them on social media, they will surely bring levity to the day.

1. Nobody is hungrier than a child who’s just been told it’s time to go to bed.

2. Don’t be so hard on yourself. The mom in E.T. had an alien living in her house for days and didn’t notice.

3. Having children is like living in a frat house…Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up. – Ray Romano

4. Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. – Phyllis Diller

5. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence and then success is sure. – Mark Twain

6. I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse. – Dave Barry

7. All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. – Erica Bombeck

8. Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home. – Phyllis Diller

9. If you like people who do stupid sh#t all the time, become a parent. – Kelly Oxford

10. Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was. – Jenny McCarthy

Realistic Parenting Quotes

If there was a list of requirements for being a parent, a sense of humor would be at the top.

1. Sooner or later we all quote our mothers. – Bern Williams

2. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. – Phyllis Diller

3. Oh sorry, you don’t like apples? I must have confused you with the child who ate 4 bloody apples yesterday.

4. I live in a madhouse run by a tiny army that I made myself.

5. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

6. It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Fredrick Douglass

7. Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories. – John Wilmot

8. Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.  – Jim Bishop

9. Parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of. – Bruce Lansky

10. If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children. – Susan Savannah

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Take Home

Parenting is one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. It gives us the chance to see these tiny humans grow into adults.

But when we’re experiencing the daily struggles and stresses of parenthood, we could all use a little comic relief.

Those funny parent messages should help. We also hope that those funny parent messages resonate with all the parents, new & old.