Funny Christmas Card Sayings: 65 Most Hilarious Christmas Messages

Funny Christmas Card Sayings:

Christmas is considered to be the most beautiful time of the year, but it’s also the funniest too. Let’s be frank-when you try to think about them, many of the holiday rituals are silly and funny. Christmas is perfect for humor and if you’re looking for funny stuff to write on a Christmas card, that’s great news.

Funny Christmas Card Sayings

Here’s a list of 65 funny Christmas card sayings to help you out, with a mixture of the well-known, the obscure, and the totally unknown. They’re sure to make this holiday season even a little more jolly for the people on your Christmas card list.

Funny Christmas Card Sayings

  1. Let’s drink till we start admitting our sins to each other and then sober up realizing we don’t remember anything from last night. What a great Christmas that would be!

  2. “Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White

  3. Some people have a great year in life and some years have bad people in them. Feeling sorry yet? Just kidding. May your Christmas be full of fun!

  4. You are allowed to have an awesome Christmas as long as I have my presents waiting at my doorstep. Have a great time!

  5. Christmas may well be a season to celebrate for you, but for me, it means trying my ass off to save every single penny I earned this year and make it through to the next year. ( Funny Christmas Card Sayings ).

  6. Santa left batteries under the tree with a note that said “Due to cutbacks, toys not included.

  7. I don’t understand why people like to say “Mary Christmas.” Isn’t it Jesus’ birthday? We should say, “Jesus Christmas.”

  8. The season has finally come for every husband in the world to finally go broke from being rich. Merry Christmas to all the beautiful wives out there.

  9. What should have been a day for going to churches and attending prayers, instead became a day for the wives to make their husband’s savings disappear. This is Xmas day for you!

  10. Just wanted you to know that you have literally no chance of ending up on the good list of Santa this year. Merry Christmas to you!

  11. I would say all I want for Christmas is YOU, But I really would love a new credit card as well! ( Funny Christmas Card Sayings ).

  12. I wished to be surrounded by good people, not the ones that spoil my mood. But Santa told me that offer was not for married people.

  13. A peach is a peach, a plum is a plum, a kiss is not a kiss unless it’s with tongues. So open your mouth and close your eyes and give your tongue some exercise! Merry Christmas!

  14. A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!

  15. Our plans for Christmas: Let’s have all the fun of our life and then we’ll both be praying until our credit bills arrive to rip us off. Happy Xmas!

  16. “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day – the birth of Santa? – Matt Groening

  17. The one and only rule for you to follow this Christmas; don’t drink too much if I’m not there to carry you home! Merry Christmas!

  18. I prayed that Santa would give you wings this Christmas so you can fly and disappear from the earth forever. Just kidding. Merry Christmas!

  19. In case I forget to bring presents for you, keep your doors open, Santa will definitely come with a box of chocolates. Merry Christmas!

  20. The reason why everyone makes wishes in every Christmas is that no one’s wish ever comes true! Making Christmas wishes is just a custom! Merry Christmas!

  21. May your Christmas be spent in eating candies and cakes as long as you don’t forget brushing your teeth. Wishing you a Merry Xmas!

  22. Please allow Jesus to Come and Bless people in Church on Christmas, If he sees you there he may not. So come here and have a party with me, Merry Christmas to you! ( Funny Christmas Card Sayings ).

  23. Merry Christmas to you. I can see you have a great decoration there. But I think your credit card bill will not be as attractive as your decorations!

  24. Christmas is season of magic and mystery. All your savings for the year will have vanished and you won’t even know it. How awesome!

  25. Christmas is the festival of love and spirit So let us drink the spirit to feel love, Merry Christmas too!

  26. I hope when Santa comes at midnight, he brings you wrapped in a box as my Christmas gift! That would make a perfect Christmas for me this year!

  27. I wrote to Santa admitting that I have been naughty throughout this year and it’s all because of you. Now, I’m waiting for Santa’s reply. Merry Christmas!

  28. Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, Santa asked what are you doing and she answered: Waiting for autumn.

  29. You are too young to go to a club and have a drink and too old to expect gifts from Santa. In fact, you just don’t fit into the joys of Christmas!

  30. Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic, Merry Christmas!

    Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic, Merry Christmas!

  31. Christmas is not only for praying and praising But for drinking and messing around also, Merry Christmas! ( Funny Christmas Card Sayings ).

  32. One important rule of Christmas; You can eat all the sweet candies as long as you don’t forget to brush your teeth. Merry Christmas!

  33. I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you are getting fatter than Santa Clause. Even Santa would bully you this for being so fat! Merry Christmas!

  34. The true magic of Christmas is when you make my savings disappear without me realizing what happened. You’re truly a blessing in disguise of a wife!

  35. There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

  36. Santa told me you’d been very good this year, I told him it was just lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!

  37. Merry Christmas dear! The only thing that I hate about Christmas is a bearded, fat moron invading our home at midnight and calling you A ‘Ho’.

  38. Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

  39. I hope Santa fills our socks with cash money instead of gifts and toys. I know you hope for the same. Wish you a happy Christmas!

  40. Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!

  41. Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!

  42. You know your life sucks when you have to wait the entire year for Santa to bring you some presents because apparently, no one care to give you a present.

  43. Every time I see you, I think of Santa. You have so many things in common with that big, fat, silly guy except that long-white beard. Merry Christmas dear! ( Funny Christmas Card Sayings ).

  44. I hope your smiles will just be as big as your credit card bill this Christmas! Wish you good luck and a lot of fun. Happy Christmas!

  45. Is Santa so busy that he cannot find time to groom himself? I think he needs to shave his beard.

  46. May you survive the boring speech of priest in the church and join me at the party as soon as possible. Merry Christmas!

  47. “You better watch out, You better not cry, Better not pout, I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town.” – Haven Gillespie

  48. Christmas is all about spending time with good people. So makes sure you spend the entire day with me tomorrow. Merry Christmas, sweetheart!

  49. Dearest God, this Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!

  50. I’ve finally found the true meaning of Xmas, it’s for those people who can’t spell Christmas! ( Funny Christmas Card Sayings ).

  51. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.

  52. I tried to hard to make Santa believe that you’ve been good throughout the year. Instead, I got my presents canceled for being a friend of you!

  53. Christmas has been postponed because I did not receive my late-night kiss. So, if you want to celebrate Christmas, you have to give me a hug as a penalty. Merry Christmas!

  54. Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you.

  55. I think Santa must ride a plane instead of sleigh so that he can reach me faster. I oftentimes fell asleep waiting for him.

  56. “Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller

  57. I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts. Have a fun Christmas!

  58. Your name has been missing from both the naughty and nice list of Santa. So, I told him to search your name on his handsome list. I’m sure he will find it there! ( Funny Christmas Card Sayings ).

  59. “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan

    “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan

  60. Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them the rest of the year.

  61. I have Kept some photos in my home So come here instead of Church you can drink and pray, And no more boring speech from the priest Merry Christmas and Happy New year!

  62. This Christmas is all about feeling special. I hope you spend this Christmas drinking to the point that you completely forget you’re a loser!

  63. I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!

  64. Hey you two over there, It’s the old, bearded guy and his silly reindeer! We’re here to bring you holiday cheer and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

  65. You are a huge blessing in my life (just over 200 pounds!!). I’m glad that you didn’t fall upon me directly from the sky. Merry Christmas!

There is never a time that isn’t right to share the love. Do well to share these messages with friends and loved ones.

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